PEANUT BUTTER FLAVORED TOOTHPASTE
By D. M. Larson
(Fart sound in darkness)
DIGBY: Did you hear that? It sounded like a fart when I squeezed the tube.
It’s coming out all brown and squishy - ew! Anyone else grossed out by this?
(Lights comes up on DEBBY. DEBBY is facing the audience)
DEBBY: It’s such an honor to be auditioning for you. I love all your commercials,
like the one about Frank’s Flavored Dentures. Hilarious! I need a moment to warm up
before we get started. Mi, mi, mi. La, la, la. Okay, I’m ready as a bowl of spaghetti.
Here is my audition: “Peace’s peanut butter flavored toothpaste. Brush with our
better peanut buttery paste.” And here is version 2. I thought I’d rewrite it a bit.
I hope you don’t mind. “Peace’s peanut buttery paste is something you should taste.
Brush better with Peace’s peanut buttery toothpaste.” How’s that? Was that good?
You like it? Did I get the part? Please… I need this job. My rent is overdue and
I need this so badly.
like the one about Frank’s Flavored Dentures. Hilarious! I need a moment to warm up
before we get started. Mi, mi, mi. La, la, la. Okay, I’m ready as a bowl of spaghetti.
Here is my audition: “Peace’s peanut butter flavored toothpaste. Brush with our
better peanut buttery paste.” And here is version 2. I thought I’d rewrite it a bit.
I hope you don’t mind. “Peace’s peanut buttery paste is something you should taste.
Brush better with Peace’s peanut buttery toothpaste.” How’s that? Was that good?
You like it? Did I get the part? Please… I need this job. My rent is overdue and
I need this so badly.
(DIGBY enters and shows her off)
DIGBY: Time’s up. Let’s go.
DEBBY: Or I could be one of your writers… did you like my version better?
DIGBY: Come on.
DEBBY: Please!!!
(Lights fade to black as DIGBY struggles with DEBBY)
END OF SCENE
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from the play
“Blondes Prefer Gentlemen”
ISBN-13: 978-1985331877
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