G I JANE AND MAJOR PAINby D. M. Larson
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(JANE wears a soldier’s uniform and is packing things into a duffle bag. PENNY, a younger sister, watches her from behind something. JANE smiles and holds up her phone like a walkie-talkie)
JANE: This is Corporal Jones contacting command. I’m detecting an unknown entity in my perimeter.
PENNY: It’s just me, Jane.
JANE: I can never be too careful.
PENNY: What’s a corple?
JANE: Corporal. Two stripes.
(JANE points to the two stripes on her arm)
PENNY: Does that mean you’re in charge?
JANE: Not really.
PENNY: So who’s in charge?
JANE: Lots of people. Sergeants, lieutenants…
PENNY: Captains?
JANE: Yes, ma’am. And majors.
PENNY: I’m a major.
JANE: Really? I didn’t know that.
PENNY: Yup. The army called me and made me a major.
JANE: So that’s how you become a major? I always wondered how that happened.
PENNY: I’m your boss now and you have to do everything I say.
(JANE stands at attention and salutes)
JANE: Yes, ma’am.
(PENNY tries to look tough and tall. She salutes back).
PENNY: I order you to get me a juice.
JANE: Yes, ma’am.
(JANE rushes off and brings back a juice box)
PENNY: And an apple.
JANE: Ma’am, yes, ma’am.
(JANE rushes out and gets an apple)
PENNY: Now drop and give me a 1,000.
JANE: A 1,000?
PENNY: How about 5?
JANE: Yes, ma’am.
(JANE drops to the floor and does 5 push ups)
PENNY: I saw that in a movie once.
(JANE finishes and stands at attention)
JANE: Yes, ma’am.
PENNY: Can you say anything else to a major?
JANE: Yes, ma’am.
PENNY: Like what?
JANE: No, ma’am.
PENNY: That’s it?
JANE: No, ma’am.
PENNY: It’s like a game. Speaking of games. I order you to go get Monopoly. I want to play.
(JANE breaks out of her soldier routine)
JANE: Sorry, Penny, but I have to go soon.
(PENNY gets angry)
PENNY: But I ordered you! I’m a major!
JANE: My ride will be here soon. I have to go.
(PENNY’s eyes fill with angry tears)
PENNY: No, I order you to stay!
JANE: What is wrong with you?
PENNY: I don’t want you to go.
(PENNY hugs JANE with all her strength)
JANE: I’m really sorry, but they need me.
PENNY: I need you more.
JANE: Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon.
PENNY: Will you?
JANE: What do you mean?
PENNY: What if you get hurt?
(JANE pauses and looks worried. She sits down with PENNY and tries to get her to make eye contact)
JANE: Is that why you are so upset? Because you’re worried I won’t come back.
(PENNY cries as she speaks)
PENNY: I saw it on the news. They said some soldiers got hurt. I don’t want you to get hurt.
JANE: Don’t worry. I’ll be okay.
PENNY: But what if you’re not. What if one of those majors is stupid and tells you to do something bad and you get hurt? I won’t let them. I order you to stop. I order you to stay home!
(PENNY cries and JANE holds her until she calms down)
JANE: I’m so sorry, Penny. But I have to go.
PENNY: I know.
(PENNY wipes away her tears and gets up. She gets JANE”s bag, hugs it and then gives it to JANE)
JANE: That’s my brave soldier.
PENNY: I have something for you. Please wait a second while I get it. Please don’t leave yet.
(PENNY exits. JANE looks at her phone and then goes to the window to look outside. She sees someone and waves. PENNY returns).
JANE: My ride is here.
PENNY: I have something for you. It will protect you.
(PENNY gives JANE a coin)
JANE: Isn’t this your lucky coin?
PENNY: Yes, it helps me get good grades and helped get a free milkshake once.
JANE: You’re giving it to me.
PENNY: It will protect you. It will keep you safe.
JANE: And get me free milkshakes?
(They laugh and cry)
PENNY: Yes.
JANE: Thank you, Penny. I love you.
PENNY: I love you too, Jane. So much.
JANE: I will see you soon.
(PENNY takes JANE’s hand, the one holding the lucky coin, and holds it to her ear)
PENNY: The lucky coin says yes.
(They hug, and then JANE exits. PENNY goes to the window and salutes)
LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK
THE END
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